... so it's been a while.

I stop by my blog, with intention of writing and pouring out thoughts. I peek around, read about my Lucy, and exit my blog with a heavy heart and a yearn to be with my girl again. So, here we are, a year later, with a little catch up in pictures...

2nd Trimester at March of Dimes Walk; we are in front of Lucy's banner

Poor Dom had to sit this one out this year. He was at home, under the weather.

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Maternity Shoot with Stacy Todd Photography, incorporated some yellow for Lucy's light as we are awaiting our little miracle's arrival.

Hello world, meet Grayson Eric Montoya. Born August 20, 2012.

Family Christmas Shoot at Lucy's Tree. Thank you, Stacy Todd!

My absolute favorite photo of the set! Perfectly Imperfect!

 That's the jist of it... spent this year expecting our miracle, waiting, hoping, praying. We love him dearly & hold him tight. The biggest blessing of all here is watching the way God has healed our family. THAT is the rainbow after the storm.

Lucy's Light: 26.2 Bible Verses for Running your RACE.

Lucy's Light: 26.2 Bible Verses for Running your RACE.

26.2 Bible Verses for Running your RACE.

Today is the day! Today would be my first half marathon, my heart is beating so fast just thinking about it! However, our doctor pulled baby and I out last week, (no complaints here, grow, baby grow!)  and I deferred my race for 2013. :) So, I will be sitting this one out but still praying for safe runs for each and every participant. 

I wanted to share this with you, not only those that are running today, but for those who are running this race of life, as these verses are fitting in all of our enduring situations.

This was borrowed from a runner blog, visit her site, she's a mom of three, runner, writer, pretty awesome chic!

Mile 1: Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of age. Matthew 28:20
Mile 2: The Lord will work out his plans for my life. Psalm 138:8
Mile 3: I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as the mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. Matthew 17:20
Mile 4: To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given. Luke 19:26
Mile 5: I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Mile 6: Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can not see. Hebrews 11:1
Mile 7: ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope.’ Jeremiah 29:11
Mile 8: Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. I Timothy 4:12
Mile 9: We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Mile 10: Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1
Mile 11: Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. Psalm 37:5
Mile 12: With God’s help we will do mighty things. Psalm 60:12
Mile 13: We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:3
Mile 14: We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:9
Mile 15: The Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you. 2 Thessalonians 3:3
Mile 16: Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Mile 17: It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5
Mile 18: Be strong and courageous, for your work will be rewarded. Chronicles 15:7
Mile 19: Whatever you do, do well. Ecclesiastes 9:10
Mile 20: He will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. Psalm 91:11
Mile 21: Anything is possible if a person believes. Mark 9:23
Mile 22: The amount you give will determine the amount you get back. Luke 6:38
Mile 23: I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize… Philippians 3:13
Mile 24: Our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 2 Corinthians 4:17
Mile 25: I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Mile 26: Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3
Mile 26.2: But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31


I believe you are all going to do amazingly well today, just breathe, make sure your shoes are tied, mind is focused, let all your hard work pay off, and ENJOY each and every step you take. 


<3 you all, M.

Lucy's Gonna Be a Big Sister!

Yes! Finally, we can spill it!
Eric and I had an appointment on Monday, confirming:

 We are so happy to announce we will be growing by two more "feet"!!

I know some people say one should wait until they are further along "just in case", but I couldnt. I wanted to share this story with you! God's beautiful little miracle that shines in the middle of so much hurt, so much loss, difficulty and sadness.  I just had to share this news! We prayed for this blessing, prayed to be ready when God was ready. We prayed to get out of the way and just let God's plan be God's plan. And then it happened!

In no way do we think of this blessing as a replacement for our loss. No, Lucy lives in our hearts. She is with me every breath of every day.  I long for my Lucy. My baby girl is going to be a big sister and she isnt here to see! These thoughts are painful, and at times unbearable. However, we try to remain focused on the joy that our Lord has given us this miracle to show us His grace. He will take a father and mother with a greiving heart and give them a dose of hope. A growing miracle, a baby, a dose of peace. These worries? Fears? Anxiety about another loss? They were a constant hum, of course.

But then, this morning in my devotional I read this verse:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua 1:9

And last night, a sweet God-fearing woman and friend sent me this:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7


I hear You loud and clear, Lord. You have this in your hands, this miracle, and I shall not fear.

Ready or not...

December 15th, 10 days away from Christmas. This season has been such a roller coaster ride for us. The more time passes, the more it sinks in that our tiny dancer is not here. I have found so many moments where I am just crying out, "It's not supposed to be this way. Lucy is supposed to be a part of all of this. From meltdowns in the middle of the ornaments at Hallmark, when I am buying a remembrance ornament instead of a chubby character reading baby's first christmas. The ache of empty arms in the Christmas photos. Or skipping the line for a visit with Santa because I see all these little baby girls, dolled up from head to toe in everything velvet, and poofy, and shiny. Then there I am, going through the motions and procastinating on the stockings, because I cant bear the sight of the empty pale pink one on the end.

So last night, we attended a support group. A room full of other families going through the exact same thing. We shared a meal together, participated in a candlelighting ceremony, and created a keepsake for our loved ones. We put messages in the keepsake for Lucy. What we miss, what we long to experience with her, what we'd want to say to her. There it was, in sparkly purple pen, glitz, and strips of paper, all of our aches and pains for Lucy. 

Later last night, I kept replaying the five candles and their meaning in my head. I cannot express how helpful these words were to me. How "ok" this evening made me feel. I want to share these words with you, with the hope and prayer that it will help you or that you may pass it on to others and be a light to them as well. I would add although, a sixth candle, one for our faith, because it is in God and God alone, that we get through any part of our journey, especially this period in our lives where we have leaned on Him the most.

As we light these five candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, one for our love and one for our hope.

• This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.
• This candle represents our courage - to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, to change our lives.
• This candle is in your memory - the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry, and the joy you gave us.
• This candle is the light of love. As we enter this holiday season, day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your life brought to each of us.
• And this candle is for hope. It reminds us of love and memories of you that are ours forever. May the glow of the flame be our source of hopefulness.
  
  We love you, Lucy. We celebrate here on earth, His birth, you celebrate daily in His presence.

Blessings in Even the Sleepiest of Sleepless Nights

Last night, was a very dark night for Eric and I. I cant put into words how much we were longing for Lucy. There is this emptiness in our family. A hole that cannot be filled. I lay in our bed and tossed for several hours. My heart was racing and I couldnt even keep my eyes closed. I prayed and begged for sleep. I picked up my phone and read this morning's devotional. Now my prayers for sleep turned to prayers for song. This is the devotional that I read:

Choosing to sing in the Night.

God my Maker... gives the songs in the night.  Job 35:10

The Lord will command His loving kindness in the daytime;
And His song will be with me in the night.
A prayer to the God of my life.            Psalm 42:8

It is very late.
It is very dark.
It is very quiet.
So quiet that it seems all the world must be sleeping.
Suddenly a bird begins to sing.
How beautiful!
How clear!
... how strange.

Why is that bird singing, Lord? It is so dark. I doubt it is because of a full stomach, and the heavy thunderstorm we had this afternoon certainly didnt leave her a dry nest to warble about. Why? Why does she sing?

I qustion whether it could be for her benefit in any way. She doesnt even know anyone is listening. She's all by herself in the world out there. I cannot imagine that it is for a sense of "fulfillment"...  birds dont have that capacity, do they Lord?

And I am quite sure that it is NOT because she had a "good day". She has worked hard all day getting enough food. Her nest may have been destroyed in the storm; her tiny little ones may have been killed. All sorts of bad things... and yet she sings!

Is it to make the darkness beautiful?
Is she serenading her loved one?
Is it to declare her territorial boundaries?
Is it a source of comfort from You for those who might be listening?

Lord, regardless of her reason, that little bird is being used by You. She is glorifying You through her song.

I too, by Your grace, can choose to sing in the night, in the darkness, in the stillness, when I am all alone. Then others will say, "why is she singing? Its so dark!" And I can answer:

"My Maker gives me songs in the night."

Before He can give me a song in the night, I must experience the night.

Thank you, Lord, for Your perfect timing, for Your words and Your book that encourages us to live for Your glory. May I be a story of Your grace today, and let my light shine. I will sing my song for You in the darkest of dark nights. I love you, Lord. Amen.

  

Thinking of you, Lucy.

This is a repost, it is the video we played at Lucy's funeral in May. I listen to this song often and think of our tiny dancer. Love you, sweet Lucia Faith.