January 19, 2011
We left that appointment, completely out of sorts, but we still needed to pick up the kids. They were at Aunt Dee Dee and Grandma's waiting for the big news. My sister called when we were back in Pearland to see what was taking so long. The trip back to their house was still. We held each others hand and drove in complete silence. When she called was the first time I opened my mouth. I told her we were down the street, I managed to say that much, and after that, I told her something was wrong with the baby and then everything after that was a big sobbing mess. She said to be safe and she would see us when we got to her house. In the 2 minutes it took us to get there, I could think of nothing else but getting home to my babies an squeezing them and never letting them go.
And we did just that. We held those babies and we didnt let them go. We gave our family a quick synopsis of what we knew, we came home, went through our bath, books and bed routines, all the while we never stopped thinking about our baby girl and what was to come.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
She's taking too long... Something's Wrong.
January 19, 2011
This was the day we had our 20 week anatomy scan. We couldnt sleep the night before. So excited to see our baby and of course, to find out if the nursery could stay pink, or did we need to swing by Home Depot and pick up some new paint. We went to have our scan done that afternoon. This day seemed to drag by. We headed to Texas Maternal and Fetal Center for our scan, quickly paid for valet parking and rushed up to the second floor. After a bit of a wait, we went into a room and they started the scan. Every parent goes in and experiences the usual head measurements, labeling legs and feet, arms, spending some time around the heart, and then they ask if Mom and Dad want to know the gender. By baby number three, I knew the drill. She started asking questions about any first trimester testing, and then asked if we've had an amniocentesis, and other questions. I found it strange that they were asking this, but it was a foreign office to us and maybe this was just because they didnt know my patient history. The scan was taking way too long. She wasnt the usual cheery sing-songy "Do Mom and Dad want to know what we are having??" tech that we were used to. I started feeling uneasy right away, but Eric said I was just nervous and everything would be fine. After a (very long) ultrasound scan, she left the room and told us she'd be right back. She was taking way too long. I knew something was wrong. About 30 minutes later, she came back into the room... followed by two doctors, and another lady who was carrying a large box of Kleenex and a bottle of water. Subtle.
They all sort of started talking at once to each other. Staring at recordings of the scans, looking back at us, heads tilted, concern in their eyes, but then silence. One of the doctors asked if she could take another look, and she applied more goo on my belly and proceeded with the whispers to the other doctor and the tech.
I shut my eyes, and started praying. I felt Eric's hand grab mine and then the tears started rolling down my face. I prayed in a way I had never prayed before. Begging for strength, thats it. Strength. The words never came to me to ask for (from what we now knew) our baby girl, to be okay. This was all so strange, I knew something was wrong. I knew it, I felt it in my heart. I felt it in my baby girl.
So when they finally started talking to us and acknowledging that no one had shared anything with us, the first doctor says there seems to be some things that are concerning us about your baby. They started rattling a list of concerns. Her heart, her brain, her chin, her heart.. the fluid around her heart, and then again, more about her heart, and her kidneys. I wish I could tell you all the details of their findings, but I cant. It's all a fog.
She was done with the scan, they handed me a towel, some tissue, the water, someone had their hand on my foot at the end of the table? I was dizzy, cold, I was shaking, Eric helped me gather my things and then we went to someone's office and sat around a table. More fog. They knew this. They had us come back the very next morning for more testing.
This was the day we had our 20 week anatomy scan. We couldnt sleep the night before. So excited to see our baby and of course, to find out if the nursery could stay pink, or did we need to swing by Home Depot and pick up some new paint. We went to have our scan done that afternoon. This day seemed to drag by. We headed to Texas Maternal and Fetal Center for our scan, quickly paid for valet parking and rushed up to the second floor. After a bit of a wait, we went into a room and they started the scan. Every parent goes in and experiences the usual head measurements, labeling legs and feet, arms, spending some time around the heart, and then they ask if Mom and Dad want to know the gender. By baby number three, I knew the drill. She started asking questions about any first trimester testing, and then asked if we've had an amniocentesis, and other questions. I found it strange that they were asking this, but it was a foreign office to us and maybe this was just because they didnt know my patient history. The scan was taking way too long. She wasnt the usual cheery sing-songy "Do Mom and Dad want to know what we are having??" tech that we were used to. I started feeling uneasy right away, but Eric said I was just nervous and everything would be fine. After a (very long) ultrasound scan, she left the room and told us she'd be right back. She was taking way too long. I knew something was wrong. About 30 minutes later, she came back into the room... followed by two doctors, and another lady who was carrying a large box of Kleenex and a bottle of water. Subtle.
They all sort of started talking at once to each other. Staring at recordings of the scans, looking back at us, heads tilted, concern in their eyes, but then silence. One of the doctors asked if she could take another look, and she applied more goo on my belly and proceeded with the whispers to the other doctor and the tech.
I shut my eyes, and started praying. I felt Eric's hand grab mine and then the tears started rolling down my face. I prayed in a way I had never prayed before. Begging for strength, thats it. Strength. The words never came to me to ask for (from what we now knew) our baby girl, to be okay. This was all so strange, I knew something was wrong. I knew it, I felt it in my heart. I felt it in my baby girl.
So when they finally started talking to us and acknowledging that no one had shared anything with us, the first doctor says there seems to be some things that are concerning us about your baby. They started rattling a list of concerns. Her heart, her brain, her chin, her heart.. the fluid around her heart, and then again, more about her heart, and her kidneys. I wish I could tell you all the details of their findings, but I cant. It's all a fog.
She was done with the scan, they handed me a towel, some tissue, the water, someone had their hand on my foot at the end of the table? I was dizzy, cold, I was shaking, Eric helped me gather my things and then we went to someone's office and sat around a table. More fog. They knew this. They had us come back the very next morning for more testing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)