Dominic's Dream

One of the hardest things we have to say about this journey so far was breaking the news to our Dominic. Dominic is such a special kid, he always have been. All through my pregnancy he would give kissies to Lucy, say special prayers for her, oh, and pray that when she gets here, that she will be a kinder little sister than that Sophie :)

We dont really know how much Sophia understands about what is going on. I think she knows that there is a "baby woosy" in my tummy and she acknowledges that, and I know she senses when we are sad, but I dont think she comprehends much past that. My concentration for Sophie is that we do our best at capturing moments with her and her sister for when she does understand.

When we still didnt know much about what was going on with Lucia, we told Dom all we knew is that the doctors think Lucy's heart is very sick but they are going to continue to watch her and all we can do right now for her is pray for healing. His initial response to us the very first night was, it's okay mommy, you just need to remember that you still have me and Sophie. See what I mean, a very special kid.

So as time progressed, Eric and I knew we would have to tell Dominic what was going on, and we knew we would have to be very particular about our words and how we were going to approach him with this news. We read books, we read blogs, we sought advice from friends who have experience in this field, we sought advice of professionals and we prayed and prayed for the right words to come to us and for us to know the right time to bring this up. We were a couple weeks away from Sophia's 2nd Birthday and Dominic, it proper big brother fashion, was very excited about this party for her. We decided to wait until the day after her birthday to tell him.

We didnt quite make it to the very next day because immediately after we got home from her party, he came to us both and asked if we could be honest with him about what the doctors are saying about Lucy. He asked if we could tell him if the doctors think she is getting better or not. We told him about Lucy. We talked about Heaven. We talked about Lucy being very very sick and how the doctors do not think she would live much longer mainly because of her heart. We talked about how she wouldnt be a baby who would come home with us from the hospital like Sophie did. We talked about how her heart would not be sick anymore when she goes to Heaven because she will have a new body there. And then it happened--

Mom, when Lucy gets her new body, THEN can she come back to us from Heaven? I closed my eyes and held my breath and dug deep for some strength. I hated that the words that were coming out of my mouth were causing my son so much pain. We cried together, we held him tight, he told us he didnt want to talk about it anymore so we didnt. We didnt talk about it for days, maybe it was even weeks. I cant remember, it seems like forever. Then one Sunday as we were leaving church, we stopped off to have lunch. We were having a great conversation with the kids and out of nowhere, he started talking about Lucy, about her heart stopping and about her going to Heaven.

He said he had a dream that she was going to be okay there. He told us in his dream, there is an angel like his age-- except, as he puts it, that guys is way cool because he has wings. He plays games with Lucy and takes care of her there and they have lots of fun. He talked about how he was happy we have taken Lucy to do special things as a family. We've been to the zoo, to the park, to take amazing photos with her in my tummy, to the rodeo, the carnival, all the things he could think of that he'd like to do with his baby sister.

He will always have those memories, I believe. The memories of special times, happy times with Lucy. Happy times when she was here with her family. This is the good stuff, I think this is the reason for the time beyond what the doctors thought she'd be here for, that God has given us with her beating heart, to make these positive memories with her and share her with our kids. Even when Lucy is no longer here with us, if that is His will, she will always be a part of this family, and the kids will always have those memories of their sweet sister Lucy, and the impact she's had on our family. I strongly desire for my kids to hold that bond with Lucy and remember how precious and fragile life is, and treasure every moment that they can breathe in.

This is my prayer for my babies, all three of them, amen.